AI/LLM retirement address - ala Statler and Waldorf
Hey Statler. Hey Waldorf. John Little is retiring from the library….
The following are AI generated by Claude, Chat-GPT, and Gemini – because Rufus and Grok or Stooooopid.
Claude.ai
A Statler and Waldorf Farewell Roast
Statler: “Well, well, well! Look who’s finally shuffling off to retirement after 31 years!”
Waldorf: “Thirty-one years! That’s longer than some of these students take to finish their dissertations!”
Statler: “Started as an ‘Electronic Information Specialist’ in Maps and Documents, eh? I bet he spent most of his time trying to figure out which way was north on a digital compass!”
Waldorf: “And he helped create the library’s first website! I’m sure it was revolutionary - probably had a spinning globe GIF and a visitor counter that got stuck at 47!”
Statler: “First full-time ‘webmaster’! What a title! I bet his biggest challenge was explaining to the head librarian why the dancing baby wasn’t ‘scholarly content’!”
Waldorf: “Chaired the first Digital Library report! Riveting stuff, I’m sure. ‘Chapter One: Computers Have Buttons. Chapter Two: Sometimes The Buttons Work.’”
Statler: “Led to ‘many digitization innovations,’ he says! Probably convinced them that scanning wasn’t just fancy photocopying!”
Waldorf: “Then off to Systems as a catalog administrator! So he was in charge of making sure ‘The Cat in the Hat’ wasn’t filed under ‘Veterinary Medicine’!”
Statler: “Middle manager twice but preferred hands-on work! That’s what they all say when they realize managing people is harder than managing databases!”
Waldorf: “And the last 15 years as a ‘data science librarian’! Teaching people R and the Tidyverse! I bet half his students thought R was just a pirate sound!”
Statler: “Reproducible data analysis! Finally, someone who can reproduce the same mistake over and over again!”
Waldorf: “Quarto! Sounds like he was teaching Italian card games instead of data visualization!”
Statler: “Well, at least now he can use all that R knowledge to analyze his retirement savings!”
Waldorf: “Ha! And maybe create a tidy workflow for organizing his lawn care schedule!”
Both: “DOHOHOHOHO!”
Statler: “Seriously though, 31 years of making information accessible to ungrateful students…”
Waldorf: “…who probably still don’t know the difference between Google and a scholarly database!”
Statler: “Well, enjoy retirement! Now you can finally debug your golf swing instead of code!”
Waldorf: “And remember - in retirement, the only system crashes you have to worry about are your afternoon naps!”
Both: “DOHOHOHOHO! Good grief, we’re terrible! But at least we’re consistently terrible!”
ChatGPT/Bing
🎭 Statler and Waldorf’s Farewell Roasting Spectacular: Library Edition 🎤
Statler: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re gathered here today to bid farewell to someone who’s been in the library so long, I’m convinced they helped catalog the dinosaurs!
Waldorf: Oh please, Statler. Back when they started, the most advanced technology in the library was a pencil—and they were probably the one who invented the eraser!
Statler: Thirty-one years in an R1 academic library? That’s not a career—that’s an epic saga! I think we need to notify the Smithsonian. They’re gonna want to preserve those reading glasses!
Waldorf: The first webmaster, huh? I remember that site—it loaded so slowly, you had time to read War and Peace before the homepage appeared!
Statler: Don’t forget, they chaired the first Digital Library report! Talk about vision—back when “digitization” meant trying to count on your fingers!
Waldorf: And then they went on to manage the library catalog. They knew it so well, they probably talked Dewey into organizing his system in the first place!
Statler: Twice a middle manager, eh? So they got to hear complaints from both ends—like stereo whining!
Waldorf: But deep down, they wanted to get their hands dirty. So they dove into data science like Indiana Jones into a pit of Python scripts.
Statler: R, Tidyverse, Quarto… sounds like magic spells from a librarian wizard!
Waldorf: You know, Statler, they taught reproducible workflows for years. Which is ironic, because now they’re retiring—and absolutely nothing about that is reproducible!
Statler: Hey, Waldorf! What do you get when a Gen-X librarian retires?
Waldorf: What?
Statler: A perfectly organized closet of Hawaiian shirts and tech conference lanyards!
Both: Ha ha ha ha ha!
🎉 Here’s to the legend who helped shape a library’s digital soul, one data frame at a time. You’ve shelved the last book, filed the final bug report, and taught your last ggplot. May retirement bring fewer bugs, better plots, and internet speeds worthy of your original vision! Ready to ride off into the sunset—and hopefully not catalog it on the way out. 🤓🧠📚
Gemini.google.com
Oh, look, it’s the Gen-Xer, finally shuffling off to retirement!
“Thirty-one years in an R1 academic library, eh? That’s almost as long as it takes some of these students to graduate!”
“And he started as an ‘Electronic Information Specialist’! In the ‘Public Documents and Maps Department’! Sounds like he was digging through digital scrolls in a cave, probably with a dial-up modem as his shovel!”
“He helped create the library’s first website! I bet it was just a page with a blinking GIF and a visitor counter that only went up to three!”
“And the first full-time ‘webmaster’! What a title! I’m sure he spent most of his time trying to figure out why the animated guestbook wouldn’t load.”
“Chaired the first Digital Library report! I’m sure it was riveting. ‘Chapter 1: The Mouse is Pointing. Chapter 2: The Click Has Occurred.’”
“Led to ‘many digitization and data innovations,’ he says. Probably just convinced them to scan the cafeteria menu.”
“Then he went to the Systems Department as an application administrator for the ‘Integrated Library System.’ So, he was in charge of the catalog? I bet his biggest innovation there was making sure ‘Dewey Decimal’ was spelled correctly.”
“A middle manager twice, but preferred ‘hands-on work.’ That’s what they all say when they can’t handle the responsibility!”
“And the last 15 years as a ‘data science librarian’! Specializing in ‘reproducible data analysis, data workflows, and learning and using R, the Tidyverse, and Quarto.’ Sounds like he was teaching people how to make pretty graphs of how many times students procrastinated on their research papers!”
“Well, at least now he can finally organize all his data about how many naps he took during those 31 years!”
“Good riddance! Now maybe the library can finally upgrade from Netscape Navigator!”
“Yeah! And maybe they’ll find someone who actually knows what a book is!”
